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I
instantly felt the heavy
weight of guilt fall upon
my shoulders for openly betraying
my Latino heritage. But I
also felt that it might be
my only chance to break through
into the corporate world
without being judged by my
race. I would set things
straight; I would prove all
the stereotypes wrong and
they would see, by my example,
what Hispanics could truly
do. I would become a “stealth” Hispanic
in the business world.
I worked twice as hard as
the average person, trying
to prove to myself and everyone
around me that I could do
my job better then anyone
else. But I always feared,
in the back of my mind, that
someone would call me out
one day and say that I was
not good enough. So I worked
even harder. I moved up the
corporate ladder, gained
promotions, had a staff of
employees and received praises
from my superiors. I finally
felt as though I was part
of the team and was being
judged on my work efforts
alone. But I still kept my
identity to myself.
I
began to feel as though
I had made a mistake about
discrimination and that maybe
it was all in my head. One
afternoon, one of my supervisors
invited me to lunch, as we
had done many times before.
As we discussed restaurant
choices, I was suddenly stopped
in mid-sentence and told: “I
don’t want to eat there,
there are too many “Spics” at
that restaurant!” I
could not believe what I
had heard; someone whom I
had trusted and looked up
to had just pulled the rug
from under my feet. I confronted
my supervisor and said: “So
I guess lunch is off, considering
I’m a ‘Spic?’”
Her
mouth dropped open as she
tried to back-track on
what was said, but added
further insult by saying: “But
you’re different from
them, you’re not a
real ‘Spic.’”
I was hurt beyond belief
and horrified that this type
of thinking still existed.
I then began to reflect on
why I felt such pain and
insecurity. I instantly thought
of injustices my mother had
had to endure growing up.
My mother arrived in the
United States in the 1940s
from Puerto Rico with her
mother and two younger brothers.
She ingrained stories in
me about her difficult childhood
as an impoverished Latina
girl growing up on the lower
east side of New York. They
were stories of being emotionally
and physically beaten by
educators for not understanding
the English language. They
also were stories of going
hungry and cold for days
because her mother could
not find work, since she
could not speak English.
My mother struggled her
entire life to overcome discrimination,
poverty and injustice by
proving every stereotype
wrong. She finished high
school, got married (to a
Puerto Rican man), had two
children and worked a full-time
job, while attending night
classes to obtain her college
degree. Even when she became
the sole provider of our
household, she refused to
go on welfare or public assistance.
She was an independent strong
woman who made it her goal
in life to see her children
succeed and not suffer from
the same discrimination she
had endured. She stressed
the importance of education,
pride in oneself and in the
strength of our Latino heritage.
She also knew that, to move
up in the world, we had to
grammatically master the
English language. No slang,
no accents, no mistakes.
It became
my goal in life to make my
mother proud by overcoming
poverty and becoming successful
by any means necessary. But,
in the process of achieving
my goals, I began to loose
my identity by hiding behind
my skin. The further I advanced
in the business world, the
further I pulled away from
my Hispanic heritage. I felt
lost and alone. Until one
day, I ran across another
confrontation with race.
My
employer at the time had
decided to produce a Hispanic
publication. I watched
carefully as the project
unfolded. It was brought
to my attention that the
quality of work and effort
put toward that Hispanic
publication was uncaring
and inferior. The translations
were incorrect and their
intention to exploit stereotypes
was offensive. When I addressed
the matter with my employer,
I was told: “Who gives
a F…? Spanish is Spanish;
no one is going to give a
S…”
I
could not contain myself “I
give a S…! I’m
Hispanic.”
I decided
right then and there I was
not going to hide in the
shadows anymore. I was going
take charge of my life and
defend my heritage.
Yes, I had made strides
in the business world as
an undercover Hispanic, but
the time had come to make
a difference and help fellow
Hispanics break down the
remaining walls of discrimination.
Two years after that incident,
my good friend Gisele Marasca
and I started our own bilingual
publication, called Ahora
Orlando.
Eventually,
I had the opportunity to
discuss that incident with
my former employer, who
then apologized for his
lack of awareness and ended
up by becoming a good friend.
Since then, I have come to
realize that many people
in the corporate world are
not blinded by stereotypes.
As times have changed and
modern society is moving
toward cultural unity and
globalization, I finally
feel comfortable with reconciling
my country’s culture
with my Hispanic heritage.
I am once again able to hold
my head up high and be proud
of who I am. I have gained
strength from my history.
I am empowered, I am strong.
I am a Latina woman.
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